An Apology for Stupidity

[MonsterGirlLover]

So...I would firstly like to talk about why I left and why I came back. I made the mistake of trying to manage an RP when for a good long while, I was only doing fun and silly RPs on a one-to-one basis. Just trying to enjoy myself and whatnot. Unfortunately, the RP I tried to manage, I wanted it to be semi-serious but with fun stuff thrown in. I failed to realize how poor I am at managing that. I then forgot that it was not my story. It wasn't about my character. I was supposed to be managing everyone's stories with the help of KM. I wanted too much control over the starting point of the story and ended up deviating from those that wanted to be a part of it. On the post that broke everything, I kinda just started typing and forgot what I was supposed to be doing. And when I was called out on it, I reacted in the same way I've reacted to previous criticism. Ignoring it and quitting entirely. I didn't want to try anymore. I've tried my hand at stories and things like that in the past, yet while I'm having fun with it, I forget that what I'm making isn't just for me. I could have all the fun in the world creating something and wanting to share it with everyone, and while all the fun seemed worth it, it crushes me to find out that to others it was terrible. I could never take criticism that well. I've always been told to "improve", but that always comes after what I make gets torn to shreds. My excuse is always "I had fun with it, why do you have to ruin it for me?" But in the end, as I've said before, when I share it with others, it's not just about what I had fun with, but the people I share it with need to enjoy it as well.

I didn't come back to this site after having the two threads that had to do with the RP deleted. It was sickening to look at them. So I had them erased and I didn't want to come back. I didn't want to try. Every time I tried, it either died off, got torn apart, or I myself ruined it. Sometimes all three. I single-handedly ruined an RP someone else made because I made my character too silly. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? I was enjoying it , and my own fun caused him to close the RP and not want to do it again.

That's the reason why I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to improve and I don't want to try. It wouldn't be fun anymore and I'd rather not ruin the fun for other people.

So, why did I come back?
Well...I like this place. It has good people in it and I like popping in every so often. I may not be the most popular guy, but I enjoy seeing other people's work. But I didn't want to come back because of this incident. Every time I thought back to this incident, I got depressed. That's why I'm here. To apologize. I'm sorry I ended it all on such a sour note. I didn't handle the situation properly. And in the end, my screw up caused the story to end before it could even begin. I don't plan on starting another one, and I don't plan on joining any. I doubt anyone would want to join and I doubt anyone would want me in theirs.

I hope to put this behind me so I can stop getting worked up over small shit like this. Thank you for reading.

[Helios Leinheart]

No bigs. Welcome back.