Herbalmist

[Radaboum]

Thank you for your support and comments. ^^
Here is the introduction of a new character (again). Don't worry I have fine development for them but I think lot of you will like this kind of girl. XD

I hope you enjoy this new part (2.3). Next part will be the heart of this chapter. Wait for it. ^^

[[BRindustries]]

I must say, her nicknames really suit her character, Erea and the gang just gained a fearsome rival.
Also, i liked baba's little Lelouch moment there, i feel sorry for those Order folks already. (that was a lie, muahaha)
Just a quick note, the "her grandmother"in the last line probably should be replaced with "his grandmother's".
Looking forward to the next bit.

[Radaboum]

Yop ! Update !
Here, I'm back from vacancies. I miss the sun already... Oh well, rain is not so bad...maybe.
Moving on, I bring back for you the next part. 2.4. I hope you will enjoy the fights in it. ^^

Thank you BR ^^ . I have amended my error. Ahah XD You can be sorry for them... Poor fools...
Baba's a character I like very much. She has a big mouth and a cunning mind. As for Shaya, well, she is Shaya... XD

[[BRindustries]]

Finally got around to reading the next chapter, yay!
That sure was an intense chapter, Sylph had some epic bow skills there. (Mark Nutt would be proud )
I suppose the arrows did block out the sun for a moment there, as expected of Baba vi Brittania.
No spelling errors this time, so good job on that part.

[Radaboum]

Thank you BR ^^

Here is a new update. This part conclude chapter 2 and I hope it will satisfy you (readers).
There will be a bit of Arachne play in it so I think you will enjoy it. XD

[box_of_lunches]

Two things.... When writing, could you give a very short description of the talker? I felt I needed a cheat sheet to figure out who is what monster. and two, can you write as if you were not a anime fan? I don't mean to sound rude or trying to be an ass here. Its just the whole sama, dama, and other power level stuff just confuses the shit out of me. If you are going to write in english stay in it. If you want japan language and honorifics then by all means use nothing but it.


PS my power level is 0

[Radaboum]

Don't worry I'm open to criticism. ^^

Well, in fact, the two things you write about are linked. It's because you reject those suffix you don't know who is talking.
When I made that story, I chose to add those things from japanese not only because it felt right with me (the whole setting come from japan) but also as a mean to differentiate which character is talking by the way they address each others. The three sisters each have their own way of addressing Sylph for example. When, it is "dana-sama" (a way of addressing one husband), it's Acilya talking to Sylph. While "My love" --> Akuren to Sylph and "My Dear" --> Erea to Sylph.

However, I think you may be right on some dialogues being confusing because of a lack of description so I'll try to improve on this part.

For the "japanese suffix issue", I knew some would not like it and I can understand that but it's already part of the story and, clearly, I don't feel the urge to change that. Well, you can't say either I make an excessive use of those and they have their own purpose : to define people relationship.

Here, maybe it can help you if you want to read it :

"-sama" : The person addressed is of higher standing and/or is greatly respected by the one addressing him.
"-dono" : The person addressed is of the same standing or below the one addressing her but is greatly respected by the one addressing him.
"-san" : Common way of addressing someone with due respect.
"-chan" : A way to address a girl when you are close enough to her.
"-kun" : Same that above but you address a guy. It can also be a friendly way to address a coworker.

"Onee", "Nee", "Aneki" mean sister.
"Onii", "Nii", "Aniki" mean brother.

And that's pretty much it. If I made some mistake above, someone feel free to correct me.

Finally, I thank you for your comment and the fact you've read this story so far and hope you will continue to do so.

[box_of_lunches]

I think you missed at my first issue... You have more than 2 characters interacting with each other and you are slapping their names in the dialog. At one point I had to stop and reread the first few chapters and try to remember the name of each monster girl and kept losing who is what.

At this point I have totally lost who is WHAT monster girl.,..

Instead of slapping their names at the end of the dialog maybe decribe what type of MG they are?


Lets just say my example id you know that Jessica is A red Oni.

Example: "I'm going to mash your pelvis to dust!" Said Jessica.

Now then release Chapters in long spaces (and I'm not saying you need to write faster) and there maybe a week to a month gap of writing and now you never once remind the reader that Jessica is a red oni or even remotly hint that she isn't even human any more. Its going to cause massive confusing to the reader. That is what i am seeing in your story, I'm sure you know who is what but I haven't the foggiest and I'm FORCED to reread the beginning chapters to ti figure out that this is a lizardwoman or a spidergirl


As of now I just gave up rereading and lumps your main character in a group of OP'ed human women because you are missing to remind your readers o their races? breed?....Class of MG they are.

On A side note I'm going to keep on ejecting the suffix they are not the language I was taught to read. I just want you to keep in mind that not every person is a grand master in the arts of manga and fully understand their meaning.

[Radaboum]

Oh ! Well, you have given me an idea and I understand what you mean. ^^
You have a point concerning characters and I think I'll try to find ways in my writing to make readers remember who is who and what race.
I begin to have a lot of characters to manage and your comment gave me the idea of making (when I'll have time) a list of it, maybe with illustrations of them so that people can check them before reading a new part if needed.

I never said you should be a grandmaster of manga or more commonly japanese langage. If it's your wish you can eject them, it's your choice and I don't mind. I just tried to help you a bit with it but if you are a purist of english langage (I apologize by the way for any mistake I make in my writing since It's not my birth langage even if I try to improve myself) I completely understand you don't wish to have it mixed with bits of another one. Still, I'll continue with it for the reasons I mentionned earlier since there is not many of them to begin with and I don't plan to increase it.

Well ! Look forward to the next chapter and come comment again to make me know if it's better or not.