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Ace of Joker (PART FOUR)

Posted: Fri May 01, 2015 1:37 am
by JohanLitvisk
Greetings. This the other shit I've been working on alongside "The Thing about Science...". I might as well post it here as well. I will continue this one for sure.
Spoiler: show
By the Gods...

Never have you been so bored in your life. You are the average working man, trying to make a quick buck and sustain yourself. You've had to work at that shitty Wonderland Pizzeria since you dropped out of college. It wasn't because you couldn't handle the work, no.

IT WAS BECAUSE YOU'RE TIRED OF BEING MOLESTED FIVE TIMES IN DAY!

You should have expected it, considering that Monster girls also attended that college. Why do they attend it? Hell if you know. Guess they can think about more than just how many dicks they can stick in themselves at one time. As you sit in your bedroom, the loud drone of raindrops hitting the window pervades. You're fucking glad you didn't have to work today. It's a deluge out there. You'd be surprised if any businesses were still open at all, considering the flood watch in place over the city. You guess people still have to make a quick buck somehow. Seeing as how you can't really do anything, you've resigned yourself to reading shitty fan fics on the interwebs. This one is real good. The writer here is trying to display the anguished emotion of some bloke whose proud dragon waifu turned into a brain dead bimbo. Hell if you know how, as the writefag didn't bother explaining it. Just how is this man so pissed of and angry, at how this could happen to him? He's done nothing wrong, its just the Demon Lord's fault. The poorly conveyed anger is all caps...

What an idiot...

Somehow, over the endless patter of rain, you can here your neighbor listening to her shitty and angsty screamo music. It belongs to the dead horse rap and rock genre: Nu-metal. You sigh as you here the band's front liner go on about something crawling in his skin, and his supposed emcee buddy rap about how he tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter. 'How could people listen to this shit?', you wonder. Then you remember that you listen to that white rapper who sings about homosexuals, various STDs and Vicodin. Maybe you're not so different...

Suddenly, your attention is drawn to someone knocking at your door. Who the fuck could want to visit you at this day and time? With a sigh, you get up from your comfortable seat and head to the door. While you're in transit, the person knocks a second and third time.

'Hold on! I'm coming!', you scream. Grumbling a couple expletives, you crack open the door and peer through the tiny opening. Before you can react, the visitor barges into your home, simultaneously knocking you on your ass. Indignant , you prepare to chew this fucker's ear off, until you get a good look at what exactly it is.

Standing above you is a Mocha-colored Jabberwock. Bitch must be at least seven feet tall. Unkempt lavender hair flows all the way down to her tail, which is just as long as she is tall. Her arms and legs are covered in maroon scales and two tentacles sprout from her back. Her wings are folded for the current moment. The Jabberwock is wearing this pink, frilly dress with a red bow tie wrapped around her collar.

God damn, that dress is dangerously short...

Acting quickly, you pick yourself up off the ground. Suddenly your door slams shut and now the Jabberwock is leaning over you. You try and keep calm, but your mind is screaming on the inside. She looks pretty though, and...

GOD DAMN IT BRAIN! THINK WITH REASON, NOT THE DICK!

The Jabberwock straightens her posture, leaving you staring at that delicious Mocha valley. Those are some serious sweater puppies, and those hips don't lie, either. She pulls this slip of paper out of nowhere. Is she preparing to serenade you? You notice that the back of the paper is stylized with an Ace of Spades and a Joker. Clearing her throat, the Jabberwock begins to read what has been written.

"Greetings, dear sir! I have come for your Vorpal Blade!"

What?

"Do not misunderstand, I want your dick, right?"

Uh...

"Um, yes! Your dick shall be mine! Your pelvis' days are numbered!"

"I'm not necessarily down for wild, anonymous sex, miss...?"

"Nonsense! All...wait, hold on..."

You watch in disbelief as the Jabberwock stares intently at her...script?

"Shit...lost my spot..."

Deciding that you've had enough weird shit for today, you try and ask the Jabberwock to leave.

"Excuse me, miss-"

"WHAT!?"

Nearly jumping out of your skin at her sudden outburst, you clutch your heart in fear.

"Ah, fuck it. I'll come back another time..."

Sighing in frustration, the Jabberwock turns and opens your door, muttering a few apologies along the way. Once she is out of door, you stare dumbfounded at your door for the longest time.

What the fuck just happened?

Across the street, the screamo music shifts tone to how the singer has become so numb and can't feel 'you' near.

You definitely need a drink...
Spoiler: show
Puddles...

There are puddles everywhere...

Damn, you didn't expect the rain to this bad. You can count at least five miniature oceans. At least the Kappa children seem to be enjoying themselves. Then again, they are frolicking in dirty street water.

'Eh, they're monster girls. They can handle a little dirty water.', you say to yourself.

The job called and apparently, they have to temporarily close their doors. The ditzy March Hare left the back door open and water just flooded the area. They say that the Yogurt Room had the most damage.

Simply mentioning the Yogurt room makes cringe slightly. Your managers have constantly assured you that it's just yogurt. You internal rebuttal always asks 'Why is the Yogurt sold in plastic bags then?" You can also swear that the Manticore who retrieves the Yogurt gets a little too excited...

You hope to God that it isn't what you think is...

Your mind then wanders onto another topic: that fucking Jabberwock. You have no idea who she is or what her name is. Better yet, how the hell did she even know where you live? As more questions come to mind, you end up bumping into someone.

"Ack! Sorry, I-"

Your eyes widen you come face to chest with the Jabberwock from before! She seems to have ditched the risque dress in favor of a simple and more conservative Summer Blouse. It lacks sleeves in favor of just have shoulder straps. It's cut just low enough to revel her collarbone, but remains high enough to not flaunt her cleavage. It's long enough to cover her legs, too.

She stares at you with shock in her eyes. Before you can even open your mouth, the Jabberwock screams:

"I'M SORRY!"

God damn, that was loud. People's heads have snapped your direction. Ah, fuck...

"I didn't mean to break into your house! I was just trying to...to..."

"Please don't make a sense...", you plead. You can see a Kitsune giving you this dirty look from across the street. Great, now people think you're an asshole.

"I was just trying to ask you out on...a date! YES A DATE!"

Why is she screaming so loud?

"Please!? Pretty please with a prisoner's fruit on top!?"

"Prisoner's fruit?"

"Uh, forget I said that. Still...date?"

The Jabberwock's face is so red right now. This is probably just as uncomfortable for as it is for you. Weighing your options, you think of all the horrible ways this could end...

"I don't even know your name...", you begin. From across the street, someone yells at you to give her a chance. Oh wow, now you have hecklers.

"HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Nearly dying from shock again, you jump as the Jabberwock roars at the poor bastard who challenged your dating skills. Wait, what the fuck are thinking?

"Ah, sorry about that. My name is Ekaterina. I have the great desire to date you. Just for a little bit, please?"

The Jabberwock's visage softens as she folds her hands, er...claws together. Oh god, no. Not the Werewolf pup eyes. Your one true weakness!

"I...guess so?"

"YAAAYYYYY!"

Ekaterina sudden starts jumping up and down with glee. Those chocolate marshmallows are having little trouble moving around in that loose blouse. You can feel mini-you starting to rise from his crypt.

'Come on,' you say to yourself. 'You're better than that..."

Comes off her high, recomposing herself into a calm state.

"So, let's go, yeah?"

"Wait. Now?"

"Of course, silly! This is the perfect day!"

You find yourself being dragged down the street by an elated Jabberwock. Looks the weird shit isn't done with you yet.

-

The amount of willpower it is taking to note feel uncomfortable is taking its toll on you. On one hand, the sun was shone brightly now. Those puddles wouldn't last much longer. Also, besides some social awkwardness, Ekaterina is quite the friendly draconian abomination. Okay, maybe abomination is pushing it there. Right now, you two are taking a casual stroll through the park...and that's where the problem comes in.

Ekaterina is eating a dic-

...

Popsicle! It's Popsicle! OF ALL THINGS SHE COULD HAVE EATEN, IT HAD TO BE A POPSICLE!!!

She's going to town on that shit , too. Her tongue snakes around the blue dick- NO! STICK! Yes, blue stick with practiced ease. She slowly thrust it in and out of mouth in an overly sensual motions. Ekaterina also no qualms about letting the excess fluid run down chin. She looks happy though.

God help you poor soul...

"Are you okay?"

"Wha?"

"You seem very unfocused. You need to sit down for minute?"

BY GOD! YES!

"...Yes. Please."

Smiling, Ekaterina tosses the Popsicle way (much to your (dis)pleasure) and walks you over to a secluded park bench. Talking seat, you do your best to hide your raging hyper cannon. Ekaterina seems perfectly relaxed as she leans back in bench.

"Man, this was so much easier than I thought! I don't know why I didn't try to just ask you! By the way, that's a nice erection you've got there..."

HOW THE FUCK DID SHE KNOW!? OH SHIT! MOTHER GOD YOU'RE THROUGH! IT'S GAME OVER MAN!

With mischievous grin, Ekaterina hops off the park bench and drops to her knees.

"Now-now wait a minute! Ha ha, we just met!"

"Hmm, but that's the way to man's heart, is not? My mother would never lie to me!"

Before you can attempt to flee, she blows some pink misty shit in your face. Within an instant, you feel all your resistance wash away.

Well, fuck.

Ekaterina easily gets you dick out of your pants. Mini-you stands rebellious against your reason. Though, you can't really do anything after smelling the pink shit.

"That was just a tiny dose, lover. I think this is good start our relationship!"

In swift motion, she inhales your penis all the way to the base. Her tongue lashes around you crown and shaft, trying to milk you has hard as possible.

God have mercy your pitiful soul...

Ekaterina pulls up until your dick almost free of the confines of her maw before sucking it up again. Her tongue turns into a mini onahole as your taint enter and exits her throat. This mouth is so tight...

It's like an endless, fleshly vacuum. You weren't prepared for this. No ever told you sex would be this good. You can't handle it.

The world goes black...

"Huh? Did he pass out? HE DIDN'T EVEN CUM YET!"
Spoiler: show
You stand and observe the eating area. As the time wanders along, you take note of several facts:

One: You can't withstand sexual pleasure worth a shit.

Two: Those Houris have been staring at you for waaayyy too long.

Three: Good Ol' Zarika is harassing the patrons again.

Such is the life of Wonderland's Pizzeria, were everything is made up, and personal space doesn't matter.

Sighing, your mind turns back to the titular Jabberwock Ekaterina you now call girlfriend. After your...lackluster performance a few days earlier, she has vowed to improve your stamina and resistance a thousandfold. 'It would be more fun that way', she said.

Yeah, right...

"Oi, ya seem distracted, boy.."

Turning your head, you come face-to-tit with Zarika. How the fuck did she get back up here without you noticing?

"I'm fine, Zarika."

"Hehehehe, I think not..."

Zarika is Manticore. A big one at that. She's probably seven tall. She has this huge as scar going from her right eye to her lip. Her skin also has mocha color to it. Her spiky anime hair is purple in hue, will the fur on her arms and legs is dark red. Seems like the traditional Manticore color scheme is inverted on her.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Drive through needs some our special yogurt."

"Oh, really? Well, I get right on that..."

The fucking smile is doesn't help your nerves at all. As you sit and wait for some sort of customer to come order something, you eyes meet the gaze of those Houris in the back. The little pink shits start giggling. Arm in arm, they make their way to the counter. Straightening you posture, you give the practiced bullshit over again:

"Hello and welcome to Wonderland Pizzeria! How may I help you?"

The smaller one is really struggling to suppress her laughter. What the fuck is so funny?

"Well, dear sir...It's come to our attention of the sorry state of your establishments 'yogurt' producer."

"I'm sorry?"

The taller one speak this time.

"Are you aware of the humanitarian violations going on here?

You shift your eyes around. Have your fears been confirmed?

"Not really, I'm not authorized to enter the backrooms."

The Houris never seem to lose their smiles. It's getting kind of creepy now. What the fuck has your employer been doing?

"You're awfully nervous sir. You wouldn't mind if we see the back, no?"

"I...don't have the authority to do that..."

You can feel the beads of sweat beginning to form. You're too young to go to jail. You had no idea what they were doing!

"Well sir, we have to ask you to step aside, in about...now."

SMASH!

You jump as the wall collapses completely. An Ushi-Oni comes charging through.

OH SHIT! AN USHI-ONI!

Fuck you job! Fuck this! Your life matters more than money! You dive to left, hoping you don't get crushed by the collateral damage of a rampaging Ushi-Oni. Zarika comes out the back again only to get bulldozed by the Rape Train.

"I suggest you leave now, sir. Things are about to get messy."

xXAoJXx

"...in other news, today Wonderland's Pizzeria is the scene of massive sting operation..."

As you sit in the relative safety of home, you watch the report of today's events. Your former job is no more. Apparently, they violated several Worker's Rights Acts. You found out that the yogurt was indeed semen from some poor bloke. Thankfully you never drank any...

The bloke in question was pretty malnourished and drained of reproductive capabilities, but otherwise okay. Seeing as how you had no idea this was going on, you've been absolved of the charges placed against Wonderland's Pizzeria. Same can't be said of the other workers, especially Zarika.

Serves the grabby fuck right.

"Good to see your okay, lover..."

FUCK! Rolling out of your bed in fear, you slightly calm down as you see its just Ekaterina. More importantly, HOW THE FUCK SHE GET IN YOUR HOUSE!

"Don't give me that look. I had a key made!"

"WHY!?"

"So I can visit you whenever I like, silly!"

You have time for this bullshit. Getting up from your prone positon, you quickly take notice that she's only wearing a plane white apron. In flowery text, 'Fuck the Cook' is written on it.

"Wh-Where did you get that!?"

"My Arachnae friend made it for me. Do you like it?"

Doing a little twirl, your eyes are drawn to that delicious bubble butt. Those hips don't lie, indeed. It's just as big as that Kauken's you knew in high school. The booty is calling to you...

Giggling, Ekaterina waves a fing...claw at you.

"Heh, no touching until you can have sex with me and not pass out before the fun begins."

God Damn it.

"Now come on, I need you to help me make a special dish!"

Sighing, you follow Ekaterina into the kitchen. At least your life more lively nowadays...
Spoiler: show
wise man once said: Look this stack! I got money! I GOT MONEY!

This wise man then proceeded to use his N-word privileges to tell his fellow man not to trip, as he is realest rapper alive. You think.

This reminds you of your now jobless state of living. Ekaterina is tinkering with some sort of crossword puzzle. You still wonder how her claws aren’t tearing through the paper, but Mamono are weird like that. Regardless, you’ve enjoyed not getting harassed nonstop and not having to answer the same fucking questions over and over again.

If only you could make money being a lazy ass. You could have made a career out of your hobby, but no one wants to watch a washed up twenty something jack off to his draconic girlfriend all day.

Absolutely no one…except Ekaterina maybe.

Maybe? The fuck are you thinking? Of course she would!

“Dear, I need your help.”

Looks like Ekaterina has hit a mental roadblock. You wonder what the crossword puzzle has thrown at her.

“Say, what does one do with a grapefruit in bed?”



“Dear?”

Are you fucking serious? What idiot made this crossword puzzle? WHO THE FUCK HAS THE AUDACITY! THE NERVE! TO FUCKING MAKE THAT A QUESTION!?

“Are you having one of your mental episodes again? Seriously, you need to lighten up!”

ALL OF YOUR RAGE AND HATE!!!!

“Grapefruiting”, you say. Ekaterina gives you a confused look.

“Uh….That’s a not a word…”

“Yes it is”, you reply. “It’s a…unique technique of sorts…”

“Technique?”

You can’t believe that you’re going to explain this. This cursed crossword puzzle is enhancing your agony…

“Think of it like a onahole.”

The moment of truth is upon you.

“…”

Ekaterina looks quite…uninterested? Wait, she’s not interested!? PRAISE THE SUN!

“Well, I guess some people have really weird fetishes. Though, us Mamono were seen as such not to long ago, yeah?”

You shrug. At least that’s over. You thought things would have gone much worse. Maybe your life cares about the state of your pelvis.

xXAoJXx

This…

This… is simultaneously the worst and best moment of your life.

One hand, you are wrapped in the embrace of a very beautiful and curvy Jabberwock. On the other hand…

“What’s with that look? Enjoy yourself! That’s why you can’t last for two minutes in sex!”

Mini-you is trapped the oiled coils of said Jabberwock’s tentacles. You regret assuming that your pelvis was safe. You wince slightly, as the tentacles continue their constricting dance. Back and forth they go across your hypercannon. By god, you can’t understand how some people can live through this daily! Especially if they have multiple wives! Before you can even protest more, you drop your payload of even smaller mini-yous.

‘Sorry guys, still no warm hole to impregnate’, you say to yourself. Would that make you a weirdo if you talked about your sperm like they were people? Most likely. Ekaterina sighs, pulling her tendrils away from your hypercannon. She lays down on your bed, looking quite distraught.

“Some Mamono I am…Can’t even make my man enjoy the sex…”

You feel awful at those words. Why this hard for you? It’s just sex! It shouldn’t be this hard!

“Hey, Ekaterina, don’t feel bad. It’s me, not you.”

Ekaterina sighs again. Man, this sucks.

“Still though…”

You reach across and give her hug. Ekaterina blushes slightly, before returning the gesture.

“Look on the bright side”, you begin. “At least I’m not fainting from the sex, eh?”

She giggle at that. You’ve won some points on that one. You already feel like less of an ass already.

“Hey…”

You look up only to have you lips captured by Ekaterina’s. Her tongue slides into you mouth easily while her neck tongue slides long your neck.

Though you may love her, Jabberwocks are fucking weird biologically…

Break the kiss, Ekaterina pats your head and whispers good night. Into the realm of sleep you go…

xXAoJXx

TAKE EVERYTHING FROM THE INSIDE! AND THROW IT ALL AWAY! CAUSE I SWEAR! FOR THE LAST TIME! I WILL TRUST MYSELF WITH YOU!

“Can’t that fucker turn her music DOWN!?”

You watch with both amusement and fear as Ekaterina flips her shit over your neighbors choice in music.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get use to it”, you snark.

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! HER TASTE IN MUSIC MAKES IT WORSE! I DON’T CARE ABOUT ALL THE FUCKING ANGSTY PROBLEMS THAT BAND HAS!”

You try to suppress your laughter. This too good.

“All I hear is ‘pushing my away’ this and ‘the little things give you away’ that! UGH!”

Ekaterina stalks off into the bathroom. The water begins to run. To your surprise, Ekaterina pops her head out from behind the door.

“At least you have better taste in music…”

“Uh…”

“Uh? What do you mean uh?”

Looks like you’re going to have to introduce Ekaterina to a man called Shady…
EDIT: Fixed grammatical catastrophe

EDIT: PART TWO POSTED

EDIT: PART THREE POSTED

EDIT: PART FOUR POSTED

Re: Ace of Joker (NEW STORY)

Posted: Fri May 01, 2015 3:16 pm
by Raet
Heh of course I loved it, and if there is one thing I love in a story it is when a character in the story takes pot shots at another story written by the same author :^^v:

Re: Ace of Joker (PART FOUR)

Posted: Mon May 18, 2015 1:36 am
by JohanLitvisk
Oi. The next part of Ace of Joker has been posted. Feel free to read and review as necessary.